Welcome To The Jungle (Or Is It My Local Gym?)

Picture this wonderful scene of nature. The male peacock flaunts its large, coloured feathers by spreading and jiggling them in the direction of a potential female mate. The female may receive offers from several males, with her selecting the largest and most dominant to engage in some bird hanky panky. Now take this image, but replace the feathers with muscles, the jiggling with weight lifting, and the peacocks with humans. Now let me welcome you, to my local gym.

My local gym shares many qualities with other gyms, it has a pool and treadmills and this delicate touch of BO, which you can enjoy beside the cross trainers where McDonald's addicts frantically try and burn off that last Big Mac. But skip to the weights section and the scene changes drastically. The dirty scent of testosterone hangs in the air and sound of creaking muscles fill your ears. You're in the jungle buddy.

These muscle addicts prepare themselves for the impending battle for females, by assessing each and every aspect of their well groomed bodies. It seems they are very finicky in their detail, as they stare at each muscle several times throughout the course of their session; supposedly this is to ensure no preparation is missed, as well as to simply see how hot they look.

As the males wrestle mass to draw attention, females observe from the safe distance of treadmills. Skilled in their observational techniques, a mere tilt of the head is needed to provide enough sight of those protein filled muscles. Once a male has been selected, the dancing ritual begins as they circle each other (at a distance) separated by the weights bench, rowing machine and leg trainer.

Unlike our feathered friends however, the ritual doesn't finish here. The male has one more asset in which the female chooses to base her decision. The asset is his metal, his choice of car. 

The alpha-males possess large volumes of metal, in the form of Range Rovers, Volvo XC90s and BMW X5s. These males often succeed instantly in drawing in female mates, even if their mating dance was not quite strongest. It is once these most attractive males have departed the battleground, that the Audi, BMW and Mercedes saloon and hatchback owners are able to flaunt their slightly smaller metal and receive their slightly less attractive female prize.

The remaining 'unsymmetricals' are unfortunately the ones who face the lowest chance of finding a mate, with these including the pool of males that arrive in 8 year old Mondeos or squeaking Puntos. Surprisingly though, at the very bottom of this pile lay perhaps some of the most physically fit males, but playing havoc with their mating display is their choice of metal...a bicycle.

It's true cars are more than just a source of transport, and more than just a toy. They are a direct extension (or reduction) of the male trouser department, providing females with insight into how expensive the wine on their first date could be. A 2013 Range Rover Sport means the finest bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. A 1999 Peugeot 206 on the other hand, most likely leads to Le Shiraz de Asda.

So what's my viewpoint of this jungle like mating ritual? And where do I fit in? Well I've always been a man of quality not quantity, but that's not to say I wear XS boxers. My car of choice deceives females by seemingly slotting into the lowest bracket, but performing much closer to those in far more alpha regions of the mating chain. The same can be said for myself, with my lack of bulging biceps shortening my chances of females fainting in my presence, but my inner alpha giving me the personality of a lion. That's right, I might seem unsymmetrical, but I'm a dominant male deep down. A peacock who needs not to flaunt and jiggle his feathers. 

Having said that though, I wonder why I never make it past the first date then..

Tyres Tyres Tyres: Has F1 Gone Too Far?

Formula 1 of late seems a far cry from the Schumacher dominated days of yesteryear. Instead of the multi million Pound  precession of cars we were once faced  with, racing today is far less predictable and overtaking is plentiful. Yet this seemingly vast improvement in racing, is often overshadowed by a significant factor in modern F1: tyres. F1 tyres have taken a leading role in determining the finishing order in races of late. Drivers and cars that are able to preserve their tyres are rewarded with far fewer visits to the pits. But has this damaged what many visualise as the World's fastest sport? Have F1's tyre issues pushed the sport too far from its roots?

The slick tyres used by today's current crop of F1 teams, are made solely by Pirelli. Pirelli were instructed by the FIA, F1's governing body, to create tyres that provided good grip for a short period of time. The intention was to create a challenge for teams with races requiring 2-3 pit stops. However the weekend's race at Barcelona showed how too much tyre wear means drivers are forced to run well within their limits in order to lengthen tyre life. The tyres have become a significant challenge, requiring continual management.

Jody Sheckter had to manage his innovative P34 in 1976

Nevertheless, if we look back over the past 60 years of Formula 1 racing, it is clear to see that racing drivers have rarely been flat out all Sunday long. Generally there has always been a factor that required managing, whether it be gearbox, engine or brake related. Drivers are not just there to push to the limits, but also ensure their machinery can carry them to the finish. In the 50s and 60s the main limiting factor tended to be mechanical, with a lengthy list of racers who 'Did Not Finish' often falling victim to engine and gearbox failures. Through the decades reliability improved, but high performance turbo engines in the 80s were still fragile beasts that needed heavy management over a weekend - they ran up to 600hp less during races than qualifying in order to just survive.

Today however, reliability is so good that races see few mechanical failures with engines competing in 3 to 4 races per season before requiring any rebuilding. Engines and gearboxes require very little management from drivers as a result, with simple engine mapping adjustments providing teams with confidence their cars will see out the distance.

Locking wheels can destroy a tyre in seconds

Especially from the fan's point of view, tyres are the main factors that require management. Many have voiced their disgust, and even 3 times F1 World Champion Sebastian Vettel explained that his Red Bull RB9 could go far quicker over the course of a race if the tyres weren't such a limiting factor.

These issues do not seem to exist because something requires heavy management. Instead it's the fact it results in drivers circulating tracks 10 seconds off their potential pace. We even notice teams instructing drivers to "not fight" against others due to focusing entirely on their own race stint. Most of Barcelona's overtaking came in the form of DRS assisted straight line passes, whilst both Button and Vettel showed little flare when defending positions from attack. This meant despite the number of overtakes being sufficient, each was far less dramatic than many F1 fans would hope.

DRS assisted passes are often less dramatic

The Australian and Bahrain races were thankfully far better and so we can only hope that future races will be closer to them, but Barcelona should certainly serve as a lesson of what we don't want. F1 is the pinnacle of Motorsport, both in terms of drivers and car technology, so the last thing we want is a formula where neither of these things are being pushed to the limits.

The Alonso Philosophy: Round 3 Of The Club 100 Lightweight Sprint Championship

The 3rd Round of the Club 100 Lightweight Sprint Championship took place on the 28th April at Rye House in Hoddesdon. Here's my summary of my day's racing.

Located just a short drive from my home in North London, Rye House is my 'local'. Except this local doesn't serve lagers, but similarly it does have a habit of leaving you a little sore the next day. Rolling out of bed at a not so painful 7:30am, I was excited to return to a track I must have driven around 1000 times. Clear blue skies with promise of warmth meant conditions were thankfully also looking perfect.

Not long after we arrived at one of F1 stars Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton's old playing grounds, in true Club 100 style the racing got started as quickly as possible (the event organisers firmly believe in working to 'the sooner we get started, the sooner we go home'). Having to focus myself for qualifying, my attitude for the day's racing took influence from F1 World Champ Fernando Alonso's consistent performances last year. I figured since the Club 100 season is long and filled with variety, consistency is key. Inspired by his success I targeted podiums for both of the day's races, deciding that points were more important than 'binning it' when chasing that extra place, better to finish the race and grab what I can.

QUALIFYING

Despite it being early morning and the first time I'd sat in a kart for a couple of weeks, with this probably being something like my 1001st lap of Rye House, I was able to immediately settle into a rhythm and start chasing that perfect lap. The pace soon came and my laps were good, with just a few outliers here and there, mostly thanks to traffic. Using every inch of the backbreaking kerb at Pylon (shown in the title pic), I was taking some serious risks.

Upon my return to the pits, it became apparent just how necessary those risks were; pole position by 2/100ths. Doesn't come much closer than that.

Pole position over the start line

RACE 1

Sitting on pole position for Race 1, I was by no means confident. The tiny margin between myself and the pursuing karts meant there was little chance of me breaking free from them if everyone remained settled. But speeding over the line, my start was clean and fast as I swept into Stadium bend. Feeling confident enough not to defend, I pressed on with setting fastest laps in order to drag myself out of the danger zone.

This is when it became apparent that my kart had just a few issues. It didn't lack straight line speed, but an out of line steering wheel began to trouble turn in, with a suspected tracking issue as the problem. This coupled with a heavy vibration meant my working conditions were far from ideal. Nevertheless, I pushed as hard as I could only to be out dragged into turn 1, painfully conceding 1st.

Conceding the lead

Despite the loss, it was here that I really began to 'earn my money' (unfortunately in reality my money likes to travel in the opposite direction). To chase down the new leader I had to race my socks off, setting qualifying lap after qualifying lap with my less than perfect kart. I soon began to match the leader's pace, but the threat of attack from behind later into the race meant I chose to defend rather than attack, remembering consistency is key.

The final result saw me just crossing the line in 2nd, disappointed not to get the winners trophy, but very pleased with the 127 Championship points.

RACE 2

Due to only setting the 4th fastest lap in Race 1, I lined up 4th on the grid for Race 2. As I crept out of the pits to begin our warm up laps, I recognised the machinery; this was Race 1's kart. I immediately returned to the pits to swap to another kart, that wonky one wasn't costing me another race. Once I'd joined the formation lap it seemed as though the decision to swap was the right one. No vibrations and a straight steering wheel, I felt much more confident.

Accelerating over the start line, I managed to maximise my position and slot into 4th; nothing spectacular, but what I had to do. I was happy to realise that I was actually now quicker than the karts ahead, so sitting on the final podium positioned kart's bumper, I was able to notice several key areas where I was quicker. But accelerating back onto the straight in what I thought was a prime slipstreaming position, it became clear my afternoon's kart struggled on the straights. Despite my overall good pace, the lack of top speed made it near impossible to make a clean overtaking manoeuvre for 3rd. In a desperate attempt to move forward, I placed my kart's nose on the inside of turn 1, hoping to force the kart ahead into a mistake. Instead I found myself on the outside of the following corner, which allowed the chasing kart to slip through into hairpin 1. I'd gone backwards rather than forwards.

Regaining 4th before snatching 3rd from the off line kart ahead

Remaining focused and hopeful of a way back through, I pressed on and thankfully squeezed back into 4th as the karts ahead squabbled into hairpin 2. I was even able to steal 3rd from of the out of position kart in front, as he ran wide after a failed attempt at taking 2nd. I suddenly found myself on the tail of 2nd place; this was my chance to snatch the place and break free of the pack, in the same way the current leader had managed to do early on.

Sat on the bumper of 2nd, despite every attempt at carrying momentum and getting that good exit onto the straight, I couldn't quite match the straight line performance of his kart. Almost losing sight of 'Alonso's consistency philosophy', I had a couple of fairly ambitious lunges over the course of the following laps.

Tight squeeze: lunging for 2nd

Thankfully I saw sense when a late braking manoeuvre almost saw both of us out of the race. As we crossed the line for the last lap, I decided to defend my position rather than jeopardising points in trying to steal 2nd. Still, 3rd was far from safe as I had to defend from a late onslaught from behind. To my relief I managed to hold on and grab that final podium position, but more importantly I'd secured a healthy sum of 124 points.

No wins, but 2 podium finishes, Rye House was good to me that day. To top it off I was the highest points scorer of the day, so even though the silverware didn't display it, I felt good as I had come home as the number 1 driver for the day.

I now find myself leading the Championship as we head into Round 4 at Ellough Park. I won't be racing then however, due to getting an exciting chance to drive the Spa Francorchamps F1 circuit in Belgium that weekend (a very valid reason to miss a round I'm sure most will agree). Thankfully though, the Club 100 Championship allows you to drop rounds, so through default that missed round will be one of my dropped days. My Championship hopes are therefore very much alive.

Check out my onboard footage from Race 2 at Rye House:

Unfortunately due to a lack of funds, I had to withdraw from the 2013 Championship despite being the leader at the time. I hope to race in a Club100 kart soon.

Public Transport? I'd Rather Crawl

When I think of Switzerland, I don't think of a tax haven, I don't think of the phenomenal Alps, I don't even think of Swiss cheese. What I think of is far more beautiful than all of these things combined, something so precious that few of us Brits have ever witnessed it. What I'm talking about, is a fully functioning, reliable public transport system.

No I'm not high, they really do exist in certain far reaches of the world. London however, is not one of these places. A city once engulfed by the plague, it now suffers from another terrifying disease, but this one is far larger than a bacterial infection. Our modern plague is experienced in the form of "severe delays", "signal failures" and "someone under a train".

Just because the train's here, doesn't mean you'll get there on time

The London Underground in particular seems to do away with the laws of physics, instead operating by the far more influential Sod's law. If you have an important meeting, an urgent appointment or even a hot date, don't use public transport. It WILL destroy everything, Sod's law dictates this. Whilst that stunning blonde sits waiting alone at the restaurant table, you'll be entering a panicked sweat as you wait in a tunnel for twenty five minutes due to a "signal failure at Clapham Common." When she decides to leave and never answer her phone, as the man who apparently stood her up, you will join the ranks of people who've suffered at the wrath of Transport for London.

It is the oldest underground system in the world, I do understand that. I'm sure things will have to go wrong every so often. But as a frustrated Londoner who spends hours in delays each year, I think many can sympathise when I say, I hate public transport.

The most reliable transport I know

That's why I think I'll be ditching my Oyster card this year, in favour of far more reliable sources of transport; my feet, my bicycle and of course my car. Oh wait, I live ten and a half miles from the city, a city with a congestion charge and a good habit of stealing your bike. So I'm stuck with TfL then. Crap.

Better Late Than Never: Round 2 Of The 2013 Club100 Sprint Championship

The title above applies to not only my days racing, I'll explain why shortly, but also the publish date of this post. Not my most prompt piece of writing, but here it is; an update of my day's racing the weekend before last, better late than never eh.

Bayford Meadows, the circuit that gifted me my first win, as well as my first Championship way back in 2003. A place with some great memories, most of them very vivid and seemingly far more recent than a decade ago. I wish I could have said the same for the racing lines however, as I quickly realised my on track memory was far from anything useful. But never fear, the sun was out and the afternoon's racing was about to commence, so I was feeling excited to jump into a kart and back onto what was very a special track to me.

Back on track at the place of my first win

QUALIFYING

My feeling for the circuit in qualifying was actually better than expected. My previous evening's YouTube research had meant I had a good understanding of the basic layout, which enabled me to pick up the racing lines fairly quickly. I completed several clear and smooth laps so was hopeful to have secured myself a grid position at the sharp end of the field. Unfortunately, much to my disappointment this was not the case, as I lined up in 11th for Race 1. Apparently, despite my initial thoughts, there was a lot of work to do.

Fighting up from 11th on lap 1

RACE 1

Sitting towards the front of the midfield and rolling up to the start line, I was thankful to be on the inside as the karts muscled together. Immediately I was able to gain 2 places before I'd even approached the first corner, followed by another 2 as we approached the infield. I was now in hot pursuit of the leading 6 drivers with every intention of winning the race; funny how things can change so quickly.

A couple of laps in, the leading pack had begun to space out but the pair immediately ahead began tussling   quite heavily. I was able to take advantage of their fight and nudged my way past them both into 5th, placing me a second or so off the back of the 4th placed driver. The following few laps saw me trying my utmost to latch onto the leading karts, where I was also still learning the racing lines and details for that perfect lap every step of the way.

Thankfully I began to 'click' with the circuit, and before I knew it I was driving up to the back of the 4th placed kart. Stealing a tow along the start/finish straight, I nosed ahead of him into turn 1. The leading trio had a slight edge over me, something I knew I could decrease if I had the race time, but unfortunately the chequered flag was shown too soon for that to work. Still, I crossed the line in a surprisingly strong 4th; if you'd have offered that to me before the race, I'd have certainly grabbed it with both hands.

Racing through the last corner

RACE 2

After my strong showing of pace in the closing stages of Race 1, I went into Race 2 expecting to at least be a contender for the win. Accelerating over the start line on the outside I unsurprisingly fell back to 5th into turn 1, however I quickly snatched the place back in the next corner. The following laps saw me chop and change position, fighting with the group immediately behind the leader. Our tussling caused the leading kart to begin to break away slightly however, and to my annoyance instead of focusing on trawling him back in, the surrounding karts seemed more focused on fighting for the 2nd best place. During this hard fought tussle I did manage to work my way up to 2nd, but quickly fell back to 5th after an opponent had what can only be described as an optimistic lunge and 'hung me out to dry'.

Instead of doing the natural thing and acting out on my anger through over driving, I had to calm my emotions and focus on dragging myself back into contention. Thankfully, everything began to fall into place and as my pace remained strong the karts ahead continued to battle. This helped me to claw my way back towards them, quickly dive past and then break free from their ongoing conflict.

Crossing the line in 1st

After the 2nd placed kart came off whilst fighting for the lead, I was faced with just 1 kart in front, albeit a couple of seconds down the road. Driving some of the most immensely focused laps of my life, I was surprised to find myself on the bumper of the leader far quicker than I had expected. As we crossed the line for the last lap, I glanced back and saw that there was a small cushion between my bumper and the still bickering karts behind. The leader defended into turn 1, as well as into turn 2. However he left the door ever so slightly open into turn 3, and acting on impulse I lunged alongside him. Squeezing him on the exit he clung on and proceeded to lunge back into the following 2 corners. I gave him room but carried momentum, meaning he not only wasn't able to pass, but was also pushed back to 4th by the pursuing karts who'd now arrived on the scene. Defending and parking my kart on all the apexes for the remainder of the lap, I happily crossed the line for the win despite leading for less than two thirds of just 1 lap. I think it is safe to say that this one was very much better late than never!

So thanks to the day's successful racing I went home with not only a winners trophy, but also a bundle of points that propelled me up to 2nd in the Championship. And with at least another 6 rounds to go, it's all still very much to play for.

Check out my onboard footage for Race 2:

Round 3 of the Club100 Sprint Championship will be held at Rye House in Hoddesdon on the 28th April.

A Bubble Spitting V12? Well Done Aston Martin

In rather timely fashion, Aston Martin have confirmed that they'll be entering a zero emission racing car into the daunting Nurburgring 24 hour race this May. The car, based on their road going Rapide S, is far from similar to those quiet electric racers mentioned in my recent post 'Will Green Cars Always Sound Boring?' Instead this green racer will be fitted with a more familiar Aston Martin 6 litre V12, with the ability to emit nothing but water thanks to it's hydrogen conversion. This will be the first hydrogen powered car to not only complete a lap at the Nurburging 24 Hours, but also the first to compete in an international racing event.

The hydrogen powered V12 is boosted by 2 turbos, essential to ensure the burning of hydrogen is as efficient as possible. The car will also use conventional petrol for much of the race, however Aston Martin have confirmed at least one lap of the circuit, nicknamed the 'Green Hell' by F1 World Champion Jackie Stewart, will be driven under full hydrogen power.

This may only represent a sneak peak into what the future holds, but it looks to be a significant step towards the goal of one day seeing a full grid of hydrogen racers growling through the forests of the Nurburgring. A fitting location given its serious mechanical challenges and naturally beautiful, tree lined surroundings.

The 41st Nurburgring 24 Hour race will take place on 19th-20th May, with the race starting at 4pm CEST / 3pm BST.

Will Green Cars Always Sound Boring?

There's an ever increasing number of green cars on our roads, with a recent surge in available electric vehicles further emphasising this. Electric vehicles are fast becoming a realistic option for urban drivers, offering improved range and useful performance whilst producing zero emissions from their tailpipes. But it would be hard to argue that these cars sound at all sexy, so are future drivers doomed to a near silent future of whining electric motors?

How would you define the word green? Not the colour, but the treehugging, beard growing environmentalist's word. Well according to a reliable source (ehem..Wikipedia), green is defined as something that inflicts "reduced, minimal, or no harm at all upon ecosystems or the environment". So with this in mind, how about defining a 'green car'? You may say something like a car that produces close to zero emissions, something quiet and maybe something slow? You'd probably steer clear of saying something exciting like a 12 cylinder Pagani Zonda or V10 BMW M5, because they scare sheep and spit fire. Green cars sound a bit boring then, don't they? But surely there exist some fun green cars...

Combustion engines aren't very green, especially when they spit fire

To explore this we'd first have to understand what fun is, in the driving sense of course. There are many components to a fun drive, but I'd be confident in saying that in almost all circumstances said fun car will at least make a nice noise. Something like a Porsche Carrera GT would do, or even the screaming VTEC engine of a Honda S2000. In all of my favourite sounding cars, there's a key component that brings a wry smile to my face, it's called the combustion engine.

Well we're all familiar with hybrid vehicles, which utilise both a combustion engine and an electric motor to provide power. They are often referred to as green due to their reduced emissions and improved efficiency, and they also retain an engine so don't lose touch with conventional car characteristics. So hybrids must be examples of potentially fun, and at least slightly green cars. Case closed...

La Ferrari - a hybrid that's not even trying to be green

Unfortunately it's not so simple, as the prosecution has a new piece of evidence against those 'green' hybrids. Take the latest generation of hypercars from Ferrari, McLaren and Porsche for example. Each come fitted with energy recovery systems and hybrid motors, helping to improve performance without increasing emissions. But since each car still requires the ignition of nature's oil in a dozen or so cylinders, they can hardly be called green. And to remove any strands of green that did remain on the Ferrari, the company's Chairman, Luca De Montezemolo admitted that their hybrid motor was fitted purely to boost performance rather than reduce emissions. Not very environmental of them then!

So that brings us back to the definition of green cars. Those that argue only zero emission cars can be called green, may turn our attention to completely electric vehicles. There are quite a few of these on the market at the moment, a popular example of which is the Nissan Leaf. But the Nissan Leaf, well, isn't exactly exciting. Yes it has some clever electric wizardry, but I doubt the lack of emotive sounds will be able to please the caravan burning Top Gear generation.

The electric Lola-Drayson doesn't look so boring, does it?

Nevertheless, there are now electric cars that are built purely to go racing...and racing cars are fun. The electric powered Lola-Drayson B12/69EV currently being developed by entrepreneur Paul Drayson is a great example of a fast electric vehicle. It produces zero emissions yet is still able to reach 200mph, matching the performance of it's combustion engined rivals in the Le Mans 24hours where it'll be competing this year. Plus with the introduction of a new international electric vehicle racing championship called Formula E, we will soon have a fully fledged series of fast electric cars racing wheel to wheel throughout the year.

Great then, we've found our fun green vehicles. Or have we? There's still that one thing that these electric racers can never bring to driving, and that's of course noise. They do make a noise, but it's closer to that of your washing machine then a brutal GT racer. It seems electric cars will always be fighting a losing battle, as combustion engines tend to our primitive needs. Fire, aggression and a feeling of power are all associated with high performance engines, exciting our inner caveman when behind the wheel.

A hydrogen V12? Why not!

So what does the future hold for fun driving? Are we destined to face country sprints with a noise resembling a kitchen appliance to disappoint our ears? Not necessarily. Electric motors are not the only completely green source of power. Hydrogen, a very real option for the future, is constantly being pushed towards becoming a viable solution to providing power in mass produced vehicles. Plus hydrogen requires a combustion engine, meaning we can have our V8s back. Instead of fire though, these V8s would be more likely to spit bubbles thanks to producing nothing more than H2O at the tailpipes. How very green!

Now this being said, we shouldn't discourage the increase of electric cars on sale today, since they are a fantastic solution to urban transport issues. Although, I think it is also fair to say that many of us will be hoping hydrogen will one day be a practical solution, because as much as I'm all for a sustainable future, one without pops and bangs and bouncing rev limits just doesn't sound fun.