Public Transport? I'd Rather Crawl

When I think of Switzerland, I don't think of a tax haven, I don't think of the phenomenal Alps, I don't even think of Swiss cheese. What I think of is far more beautiful than all of these things combined, something so precious that few of us Brits have ever witnessed it. What I'm talking about, is a fully functioning, reliable public transport system.

No I'm not high, they really do exist in certain far reaches of the world. London however, is not one of these places. A city once engulfed by the plague, it now suffers from another terrifying disease, but this one is far larger than a bacterial infection. Our modern plague is experienced in the form of "severe delays", "signal failures" and "someone under a train".

Just because the train's here, doesn't mean you'll get there on time

The London Underground in particular seems to do away with the laws of physics, instead operating by the far more influential Sod's law. If you have an important meeting, an urgent appointment or even a hot date, don't use public transport. It WILL destroy everything, Sod's law dictates this. Whilst that stunning blonde sits waiting alone at the restaurant table, you'll be entering a panicked sweat as you wait in a tunnel for twenty five minutes due to a "signal failure at Clapham Common." When she decides to leave and never answer her phone, as the man who apparently stood her up, you will join the ranks of people who've suffered at the wrath of Transport for London.

It is the oldest underground system in the world, I do understand that. I'm sure things will have to go wrong every so often. But as a frustrated Londoner who spends hours in delays each year, I think many can sympathise when I say, I hate public transport.

The most reliable transport I know

That's why I think I'll be ditching my Oyster card this year, in favour of far more reliable sources of transport; my feet, my bicycle and of course my car. Oh wait, I live ten and a half miles from the city, a city with a congestion charge and a good habit of stealing your bike. So I'm stuck with TfL then. Crap.